It’s the curse of the fat girl. You’ve probably heard the statements. “You have such a pretty face.” I imagine the very next thought, which is most likely not spoken out loud is, “for such a fat and ugly body.”

Some circles have manners about the whole thing. They discreetly judge you. Some circles do not. Some cultures, like my own, come right out with extreme boldness and ask you, “porque estás tan gorda?!” (Why are you so fat?!)

Cut to chunky lil me when I was probably twelve sitting in a restaurant waiting for my mom and a man walked up to me, pointed, actually pointed and laughed (with his hand over his mouth restraining greater laughter I imagine) and just repeatedly said, “Too big! Too big!”

Everyone’s a critic.

Being a plus size person, people tend to look at you, give you the infamous top to bottom scan and their eyes betray them as they show repulsion or judgement for your size. It doesn’t matter if a woman is 50-200 lbs overweight. It’s always the same. The body scan, the wide eyes, the snickers, the whispers. The judgement.

I’ve been told my whole life, that I have a pretty face. Over and over people who mean well, have uttered those words. I believe they spoke them with kindness and compassion. They attempted to compliment me. Yet what they didn’t realize is that those words do not feel like compliments. They felt like cruel judgements of the rest of me.

Beauty is so much more than appearances. Why do these “pretty face” people ( & the whole world for that matter) focus on the physical attributes? What about my character? Is that pretty? Do you think the way I treat folks is attractive? Do you think my patience is pretty? My prayerfulness? My convictions about treating people with dignity and integrity? Or are we really just reduced to a face? Do you think the pain that every ounce of fat holds is pretty? Do you ever wonder why folks are fat?

Fat is the armor of a wounded soul.

Remember that when you judge people for looking differently than yourself. Having a pretty face is so ridiculous compared to having a pretty heart. A pretty way you love and care for people. Beauty is not about our physical appearances. This world is deceived and deceptive and will always worship the creation rather than the Creator.

Yet, The Lord cares more about my heart being His, and caring about what he cares about, rather than my outer beauty. But I know that we reduce people to what we value most. If vanity is all we care for, than beauty is what we worship and use as a measuring stick for those we see. If status is all we care for, than what a person wears, buys, or has will be how we judge them.

The judgements are intense. I think most likely, we speak cruel judgements simply because we ourselves are hurting. But I do think that sometimes it’s because we haven’t walked a mile in anyone else’s shoes. Imagine the core memories people have about being fat:

• Imagine a child being called a whale, from the ages of 6-12.
• Imagine a relative putting the fear of a heart-attack in a child at the age of ten, who was only 40 lbs overweight.
• Imagine a child being humiliated in front of their entire class as they were weighed and their weight was posted on the chalkboard.
• Imagine a teen being mocked, ridiculed, and bullied for looking different.
• Imagine a teen being spat on for being overweight.
• Imagine a teen turning to self harm (in more ways than one) because the pain is insurmountable.
• Imagine the anorexia because this was the only way to fix it.
• Imagine the binging because anorexia didn’t help.
• Imagine the loneliness of being an outcast because of outer appearance.
• Imagine the message a teen has received that their beauty is dependent on their body.
• Imagine the rejection.
• Imagine the humiliation.
• Imagine the heartache.
• Imagine a teen attempting suicide repeatedly because death is better than this sort of living.
• Imagine the invisibility of being fat and how people have overlooked, ignored, and belittled your very existence.

It’s a hard thing. But those are the shoes.

I wonder.

Who’s willing to wear them?

Oh and let’s not forget about the unsolicited advice that is a staple from folks. It’s as if people think that their counsel really will help. Imagine just minding your own business and someone comes up to you and says:

• You know, you have such a pretty face. If you lost weight you’d be a knockout…
• My mom just tried Herbalife, it really worked for her, you should check it out, you can…
• I see what you’re putting in your shopping cart. Great job picking veggies. You should rethink the juice, tho. (I’m a fitness coach at… blah blah blah)…
• You know you’re super young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You should consider losing weight if you want to live…
• You know I just did nutrisystem, it worked for me, you should consider it…
• You know if you ate more protein instead of sugar…
• Jenny Craig really works…
• If you chose to intermittent fast you could…
• You know you’re really pretty, you should consider gastric bypass cause…
• Have you considered the surgery?…
• I used to be your size then I had the surgery and…
• I was once your size then I started eating protein and…
• There’s this diet that will…
• You have a pretty face, you should think about working on your…
• I tried the so and so fast and it worked you should…
• I had great success with blah blah blah and you can too…
• Being that size will kill you, you should…
• Fat is really not attractive, if you only…
• You should really start exercising, it will help with…

I could go on and on. These shoes are hard to wear. I wonder who’s willing to wear them. Any takers?

Here’s the crazy thing about the judgements though. I’ve heard these things for so long, it’s unreal to be given unsolicited counsel all the time. But, it’s equally strange NOT to hear it too. I’ve been in the full spectrum of weight and eating issues. I’ve been anorexic and I’ve been a compulsive overeater. I’ve struggled with binging and I’ve restricted religiously. I’ve been 110lbs, I’ve been 500lbs (yes I gave you numbers!!). And in all of that range, the judgements have been consistent.

But there is something I’ve noticed. And this is the SCARY part. The heavier I was, the less the comments happened. It’s almost as if, people lost HOPE in and for you. Their judgements stopped because clearly,

YOU. GAVE. UP.

Something happens in the the heart of man when they see someone that has given up. Think about the ways we as a society treat people experiencing homelessness. We turn to look the opposite way when a person is asking for money on the street. We ignore encampments and dismiss folks as “addicts” or “winos” or some other judgement because somewhere in the recess of our minds we justify ignoring people because we think, “well, thats how they wanna live.” And sure, that may be true for some, but, that’s not always the case. When I think about being hopeless and giving up and living in my sin, I often think of Romans 1. Paul talking to the Romans and discussing a debased mind. A seared conscience. People wanted their way, and after that much rebellion, the Lord gave them over to it.

At my heaviest, the judgements were less because I was fully given over to my flesh. It was noticeable. People did not dare say anything because clearly, I had accepted my fate and I was ALREADY gone. I was HOPELESS. What good is advice when a person is already gone?

I’ve often thought about having a seared conscience. I really do think at my heaviest that was where I was headed. It’s not that I didn’t want something better, it’s that the habitual sin of gluttony and vanity had taken over me. I was indeed, hopeless.

BUT,

GOD!

The Lord intervened and began a work in my heart to expose what Stephen King would call the “bad gunky” (Lisey’s Story). The stuff that was stored within the heart of a broken girl who needed to face the stuff instead of stuffing her face. I wonder what you are fighting? I wonder what has left you feeling hopeless? I wonder what havoc sin has caused in your world? I wonder if you wear the same armor as I do? You are not alone, friend. We can walk away from serving our flesh. We can say, “no.”

In a cruel world where beauty is measured brokenly, this fat girl had to fight her way back from the dead!!

Fat is the armor of the wounded soul. Indeed. I was wounded. I was hidden behind a pretty face. Buried under 500 lbs of pain, shame, and fear.

But, God.

More on that later…

^{* Special Note: It’s not wrong to compliment plus sized folks. Please don’t stop seeing them! Appreciate who they are and their beauty! Inner and outer! I’m just saying, don’t focus only on their “pretty/handsome face.” They (we) are so much more than that. Let’s look at each other as image bearers of Jesus Christ.}